Two Stuff Finders Walk into A Cave [Closed | Emi]

Times were hard in this new world. Like his old one, everything took money. Unlike his old one, he had none. All his riches, all his precious shiny treasures were left behind, which pained his very shiny-loving soul. All he had was the tiny dragon carved out of jade that he always kept in his pocket, and while he could probably sell that to get enough funds to get to Rivengate, where he heard there were people like him, he would rather resort to pickpocketing than give up his prized possession. In fact, he'd already pickpocketed a little, but it was only out of desperation! He'd been so hungry... and he was so very good at lifting things off of distracted people. A hazard of his poor raider upbringing back in the land of sand. Thank god he hadn't run into any sand here so far...

Pickpocketing and trying to sell his jello aside, joining the Adventurer's Guild had been his best decision so far! His magic was still in the crapper, and the condition of his body was worse than he remembered, but he could still do one thing well! Treasure hunt! He'd taken treasure hunting jobs all the time, though sometimes he'd ended up keeping the shiny for himself...but not this time. No! He really wanted to take a bath somewhere that wasn't a cold river and eat something other than three-day-old bread and questionably sourced meat on sticks sold in the alleys (he was pretty sure it was rat meat).

The guild had a posting for someone to travel to Viridia Overlook and search for a certain item in the many unexplored caves over the edge of the cliff. As he stood at said edge, he just sorta marveled at the view for a long moment. It really was an otherworldly sight to behold, unlike anything he'd seen back in Ishgar. Unsupported tendrils of land stretched out from the cliff so far that they disappeared into the cloud. Speaking of clouds, other than the land he stood on and the magically supported paths outward, all he could see was fluffy white sheep-clouds in a sea of peach and rose sky. It was a shame that he'd have to climb down and roam around a dank old cave when this was the view of the area at large.

The item being searched for was a Wand of Color Spray. That's all he really knew since he hadn't met the client directly. Theo had only received a warning from the guild lady that this job was basically a free-for-all, posted for many guild members to take simultaneously and even rumored to be sourced out to rogues as well. That might frighten the average quester, but not this jello-slinging wiggle worm! Theo Silversong grew up in tough times, fighting other raiders and hunters tooth and nail for riches buried in the scorching sandy tombs. It was just ironic that his life had come full circle. As a child, he'd been wormholed into an unfamiliar place and had to do anything to survive, and here he was again just around twenty years later.

Excited and perhaps a little overconfident, Theo turned his eyes from the beautiful landscape and to the very narrow path leading down to the swiss-cheese cliff face. "Right! I have a wand to snatch. I hope there aren't any weird pygmies," he chattered to himself, slipping over the edge and shuffling his way against the rocks until he could slip into the yawning opening of a small cavern. "Oh, pretty," he mouthed, looking at the sparkling metal flecks in the obsidian-marbled walls and the randomly spaced mushrooms that glowed a pale purple. The luminous drips of water into small puddles provided a musical soundtrack that made the caves feel less ominous, so the tracks-suited man didn't think twice about slipping his hands into his pockets and sauntering along as if he was wandering around a park or something.

Being rather dim-witted, he still hadn't grasped his situation fully. Like, he knew his magic was basically as weak as when he first learned it, yet it was hard to remember that fact when it'd been so strong seemingly mere days ago. Little jello cups wouldn't help him much in battling the unfamiliar monsters of Vyldermire, but at least his body still did its jiggly wiggly so he could slip and slide into spots others couldn't. Hopefully, that'd be enough. "Oh, color wand thingy! Where aaaare youuu?" he called into the opening, listening to it echo back at him with a goofy grin.


"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Hey, HEY HEY, Bloopy! Can't we talk about this? Do you even have a mouth-- OW, THAT STINGS! Bad Gelzilla! BAD!"

It hadn't taken long to realize that this was a very terrible, very stupid idea. Had he really thought he could just wander around for a day or two in the tunnels under Viridia Overlook without a single challenge? Berties. There were Berties (slimes) everywhere! They almost looked like his jello, but oh god did they sting when they oozed on him and they kept trying to suck him in! He bounced and slid and skidded around the tunnels as fast as he could. He slipped his body into crevices, only to emerge into a new opening of hungry jigglers. His jello ball attacks did nothing but get absorbed, so honestly, the jiggly, mindless enemies were pretty as if stuffed with rainbow confetti, but they were decidedly awful mean goopy gusses bent on eating him alive! He didn't have any weapons. He didn't have much bodily strength anymore. Even running was so taxing that he thought his heart would fly out of his chest and escape without him! So far he'd just been able to make a small, ugly jello thing with legs and horns that led a few of the blobs away, but there were still two slowly advancing on him. They blocked his exit. "AAAIIIEEEEE!! HEEEEELLLPPP!!!" he wailed, icy blue eyes widened in horror, face streaming tears and snot as he came to terms with his fourth death. Without the demon within him, what would this world's afterlife hold for him? Theo was absolutely terrified to find out.

[wc: 1036 || @Emi Kazama ]

The Wand of Color Spray in Viridia Outlook, huh? As pretty as a spray of colors sounded, Emi was only keen on trading that in for some Vyldergold, maybe even to the Black Market. Surprising as though it may seem to most people who viewed rogues, that wasn't what captured this rogue's attention. It was the prospect of those people from the Adventurer's Guild showing up, of course! There was a challenging glint in her narrowing green eyes as a competitive smirk quirked up at the ends of her lips. If the Adventurer's Guild thought they could get the treasure first and show off their greatness and success to all the rogues, then challenge accepted! She'll show them! "Alright! First quest! Let's do this!" Emi clenched her fist, her competitive nature making her feel pumped as she instantly left in search of this treasure hopefully before those people at the Adventurer's Guild had anything to say about it!

Although Emi spent 5 years surviving as a rogue in the streets, that might be different to being out in the wild. This was her first time doing a quest, but she was too stubborn to ask for someone to guide her. Someone joining her under the guise of hanging out with her would've been nice though. She kind of didn't like being alone, particularly away from townspeople that she'd make laugh at her jokes, but especially with the prospect of monsters. Did that make Emi any quieter? No. Well, maybe a little. "Yeah! Nothing to be afraid of. Pfft! There should be a sign here: Only the BOULDER ones beyond this point, am I right?!" She joked about boldness with a grin as she glimpsed around at the boulders with amusement in her giggling.

Silence.

There were only so many jokes she could make herself laugh with to lighten the mood of loneliness. Ah..It was kinda sad. The petite girl with green hair gave a sigh as she gazed out the picturesque scenery before her, only mentally admitting to herself that it was actually breathtaking, even if this was snobby Gaiyan territory.  The clouds looked like cotton candy to the former circus clown of laughter, which kind of made the rogue hungry for some, but not as much as she longed for the circus. Emi clenched her orange gloved fists tightly with a determined look. That's okay! That just reminded her that she was determined to prove to them that she would be successful!

"Oh, color wand thingy! Where aaaare youuu?"

"Hm?" Emi snapped out of her thoughts in bewilderment upon hearing that echo and she parted her mouth in shock as the realization struck her that she really wasn't alone. It was only briefly relieving to hear for the laughing thief that wanted someone to laugh with, but her competitive nature held out in the end. "No way! They're already ahead of me?!" With a narrowing of her eyes and a competitive smirk, she instantly bolted down the narrow pathway, "Hmph! Not for long!" Thankfully, she was used to working on balance while trying to use her parkhour-eque tricks to get away from the guards in the cities and the petite rogue's feet were small enough to allow her to shuffle against the rock, barring the few rocks that fell from her movement she tried to make as quickly as possible.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Hey, HEY HEY, Bloopy! Can't we talk about this? Do you even have a mouth-- OW, THAT STINGS! Bad Gelzilla! BAD!"

Unfortunately, the startling commotion that echoed from the cave distracted Emi from securing her footing, causing her to slide down the cliff. "Shit! Shit! Pfft! Aheheh.." She could only laugh in nervousness and at the irony when she actually slipped further below the cave with a slight gasp, thankfully being able to keep herself from falling with a quick, but firm grasp onto the rocks. "Man, this nearly would have a-mountain-ed to nothing!" With a strong grasp on the rocks and recovering her footing, Emi managed to pull herself up lest she fall precariously down the rocky cliff. She was still a few rocks below the cave, but she was going to get up there one way or another. As much as she was up for jumping off cliffs, she had a wand to find.  

The rogue with mint green hair blinked her eyes up in surprise as she mentally tried to register that startling echo from the opening of the cave just now. That almost sounded like the same person from earlier. It sounded like he was with a monster! Emi's competitive nature ebbed and she was suddenly overcome with a sense of concern for whoever made that noise. The petite girl tried to climb up faster when she stopped when she was met with something on the ledge above that easily distracted her. She actually had to blink, as she wasn't sure if it was a mirage out of hunger for what she was seeing. "I can't be that hungry..Is that... jello?!" She murmured to herself in surprise with a bright smile that she bit her lower lip, trying hard to hide the laugh as soon as she saw larger blobs chasing after it out of the cave. Thankfully they didn't see her below the ledge, and she was able to climb up on the ledge successfully as soon as they all waddled away.  "...Pahaha! It was the WHOLE jello family!" As soon as she caught her breath from the climb, she burst out laughing with a slap on her bare thigh below her striped, green and orange shorts.

The sound of sobbing was soon heard from within the cave, which caused her smile to immediately turn it's rare form of serious. "Hey!" Emi narrowed her eyebrows as she boldly called out to the entrance of the crowd and blinked her eyes in surprise to find two more of those blobs that she saw earlier approaching someone, then quickly grabbing two rocks from the floor and throwing it at both the blobs, missing one of them but successfully getting the other. The petite rogue watched as the rock slammed onto one blob's gooey surface with a jiggle before the rock slowly oozed inside its body. Either way, it was a momentary distraction away from the guy. The blob creatures stopped in their jiggly tracks and turned to the direction of where the rock was tossed. "What, you don't like rock?! Well, that's your per-rock-ative! Hahahah!" Oh, Emi couldn't help but make that joke. It was just too perfect! She laughed at her own joke until she paused with a smile of amusement as the blob jiggled silently towards her. "Hmm..These slimestones don't have a funny bone in their body!" She remarked jokingly with a smile then narrowed her eyes with a challenging glint in her green eyes. "Time for the Punchline!" The bold rogue balled up her fists, ready to punch it with her brass knuckles that glimmered in the light outside the cave entrance as she dashed inside the cave to defend that person from danger. Heroism wasn't typically in the description for rogues, but it was for Emi Kazama.

WC: 1196 words

The sound of laughing and crying combined was always an odd one, but that was the exact noise Theo was making. He was an emotional man with an attention span no bigger than the rock she'd thrown to distract his two attacker blobs, so even though he was terrified and not thinking clearly, her jokes distracted him and tickled his funny bone. "Nnngh...haha *sniff* per-rock-ative!" he...soggled? Gibbed? Craughed? Whatever he was doing, it was just a really soggy chuckle and lots of sniffling.

But then he noticed what she was doing and finally pulled him from his panic over mortality. She was gonna make his mistake! "AH! HEY! Don't punch them!" Theo squawked, trying not to wheeze as he ran up behind the slimes that were now advancing his minty-haired savior. His mind was usually clouded when trying to protect himself, but it almost always magically cleared when someone else's wellbeing came into play. "They sting, see?" he warned, holding up his arms and hopping so she could see him over the larger blobs. The sleeves were dissolved, leaving ragged fabric edges and reddened, angry skin visible for her to see as he waved them.

This wouldn't do. Even if there were only two blobs and two of them on each side, how did you fight something you couldn't hit? Though just moments later his wilted magic seemed all but useless, without even thinking he bounced up to the ceiling of the cave and stuck, using his sugary stickiness to crawl above the slimes before his jiggly form bounced back down beside her.

Could he have done this all along to escape? Yes. Had he thought about it? Absolutely not.

"If we had some sort of protective goop like they do, we could probably fight them off," he commented, though by 'we' he kinda meant her. He wasn't feeling super great. His skin was pale, he was in a cold sweat, and he just couldn't seem to catch his breath. In fact, he wasn't sure that he could run even though the exit was behind them. If only there was some armor in here! "Oh. Oh! Here!" he reached over without really waiting to see if she was willing, touching a finger to her forearm. He intended to cover her in a suit of jello armor, but all he had in him were basically jello gauntlets. Would that be enough?

[wc: 421 || thread total: 2700 || @Emi Kazama ]

The long lashes that surrounded Emi's large, dark green orbs fluttered with a few incredulous blinks at the familiar sound of laughter mixed with crying that the guy made. It was different coming from someone else this time. The small smile that drew on her lips was one of understanding, simply quietly appreciating his laughter without even needing her laughing spell for it. Natural laughter was always the best kind of laughter; whenever she did hear it, Emi always exhaled a little like it was like a breath of fresh air.

"AH! HEY! Don't punch them!"

With a fist balled up and ready to punch, Emi's narrowed eyes of determination instantly turned into a widened eyes of confusion when she practically froze in step upon hearing the man's words, one foot out while one foot remained behind her and up in the air. "Huh? Whaddya mean don't?!" She laughed quizzically and then huffed as she remained standing with her hands waving to gesture at the monsters while she cocked an eyebrow at the guy standing behind the slimies, wondering why he was stopping her from fighting the blob monsters. If this guy was one of those jello huggers that didn't believe in violence, this was going to be a long day.

"They sting, see?"

"Ooh..that does look like it stings..!" The minty haired thief in the bandana wore a sheepish smile that suddenly cringed and winced  at the sight of burnt red skin exposed by the tattered fabric of his sleeves. Would the same happen to her magic boxing glove or her rubber chicken? Those were the only safe options to use considering that they were in a cave anyways, but she wasn't sure how acid worked against magic fabric. "Okay! No taking nasty jello shots... got it!" Emi remarked with a conceding nod as she stared at the blobs with a narrowing of her eyebrows. Humorously enough, that wasn't really a joke this time; she'd actually never had a jello shot before. She had jello, and shots, but never together. Just before the blobs seemed to turn their attention back on the guy, quick thinking survivalist looked around and bent down to grab another rock before finally tossing it at the monsters.  "Hey! Don't be gel-ous!" She joked at the monsters with a smirk, trying to get their attention. Of course, when the blobs turned her way again and slowly began approaching her, this was when Emi realized that there were no more loose rocks close to her, just giant ones she wasn't sure she could lift and throw accurately or ones that were too little to do much of anything. No problem. "You want a piece of me?!  Then how about this?" Emi suddenly pulled something from her pocket and flung it out, but it turned out to be a squeaky duck that gave its last long squeak as it burnt in the acid of one of the gooey shoulders of one of the monsters. "..Hmph!" She shrugged, deciding to roll with it like she did that on purpose with a confident smirk as she edged back. Show must go on, and all that.  "And there's plenty more where that came from!" Squeaky ducks could've been their weakness. Nobody would've known until they tried, right? Emi wasn't finished throwing whatever else she could take out from her pocket dimension though. Instantly, she pulled out what ended up being a plunger she smuggled from Rivengate, which landed ontop of the other slime monster's head and slowly began tilting on the side of it's head as it sank into the monster - a charming display of wearing the fashionable plunger hat, if she did say so herself. " ...Pfft! Hahaha!" With a grin, Emi pulled out sunglasses that had googly eyes springing out, one of her many prank props, then closed one eye as she tried to aim it for where she thought the eyes should be. "Yes! Hahaha!"   Emi cheered for herself with a fist pump when she managed to give that monster a hat and eyes, all while still edging back slowly. Was she trying to come up with a solution? She was working on it. She just needed the blobs to follow her outside of the cave and maybe she could trick them to go down the cliff. Was she having fun during a dangerous threat? Also yes.

After showing an incredible display of powers from the guy, the heroic thief had to do a double take and smiled impressively at how he easily came from clinging onto the roof and then landing on her side. Now that was circus quality right there. For a brief moment, that small performance of his gave her a warmth that kind of made her feel like she was back in the circus, which broadened her smile all the more. "Wow! You really took the plunge better than that thing did!" She complimented as she jokingly jabbed a thumb over in the direction of the blob that had a plunger on its head. " Now that's what I call stickying the landing!   She joked with a thumbs up, recalling the acrobats back in the circus always trying to stick their landing deserving of compliments as much as this guy that had powers to stick on to surfaces like that!  

"Tada! Look at this masterpiece, huh?!" The former circus clown said a little dramatically while gesturing to her Mr. Potato Head-esque blob monster from the front now that he could see, not really realizing that it was a toy that would be familiar to her if only she remembered as much. "Think it needs a nose? 'Cause I kinda wanna give it a smile right now.." She mused, placing a finger to her lips pensively that drew a playful smile of her own. What? If she was going to be throwing things at it, she might as well make the monster look funny. "...Also, you wouldn't happen to know what hurts this thing, would you?" She asked softly with a sheepish grin as she stared at the monsters slowly approaching them, wondering if any of her magic weapons would be able to work.

"If we had some sort of protective goop like they do, we could probably fight them off,"

"Right!" Emi nodded with a determined smirk, trying to recall what sorts of things she could use, but her eyebrows rose upon catching a good look at his pallid face and the rough state he was actually in, not how he was trying to sound. It was kind of similar to what she did herself. "Ooh.. hey.. you don't look- mm.." She faltered with hesitation in her smile that she wore on her concerned countenance,  realizing that if she were in his position, she wouldn't want to be told what she was about to say. Glancing back at the entrance of the cave, Emi quickly thought that it was probably best if she tried to somehow weaken these monsters and maybe she could manage to get them past the ledge and over to safety. But how would they weaken them? The guy once again cleverly came up with a solution with another incredible show of his powers - JELLO POWERS?! "You have jello powers?! Wow!!" So that's why that little jello guy outside was different than the others! It was all the more clear now that it was covering her forearms. Literally clear, given that she could see her gloved fists through the solid jello. "Thanks! Let's try this again!" Emi narrowed her eyebrows over her dark green eyes as she grinned at the adrenaline rush she suddenly got for being able to punch these out with this kind of protection. In an instant, she jumped and flipped in the air to before jabbing and punching at the two slime monsters ferociously with a bright smile. "Hah! Not so viscous now!" She grinned at her joke of them being viscous instead of vicious as pieces of slime flung onto the ground in the direction deeper into the cave, given the angle that she was punching at.  There was a moment when she did feel a piece of slime shlop onto her back though. "Ah! Sst.. I'm okay!" She reassured with a wince in a nervous laugh, closing one eye as she tried to breathe through the pain. This was nothing! She was fine!

Once the blobs seemed to be greatly reduced to pieces of slime on the cavern floor, it was time to make a run for it. "Come on, Jelloman. Let's get out of here before any more show up!"   Emi attempted to grab the guy carefully and aimed to help him, practically carrying him out the cave entrance for as much as he allowed her to.  

WC: 1466 words

Theo had never met anyone in his whole life that made so many puns and funnies in battle before. Usually, it was he who made the wise-cracks and silly comments in the heat of the moment to try and ease tension or just from it popping in his head and demanding to be said. It was usually his place to be the (mostly unintentional) funnyman and everyone else's job to either laugh, scold him, or groan.

The relentless amount of jokes she was lobbing out were extremely amusing. Theo had possibly never groaned at a pun because he was too easily amused to cringe more than giggle. Plus, she complimented him two or three times, so this green-haired lady was on his good side. God, and the face she'd put on that one! His lips kept twitching with amusement and a couple 'pffft!'s made it out, but the fact that he felt like he imagined meat that had been biologically processed into a giant mound of dog crap felt like kept him at least somewhat composed. It was quite hard to laugh when he couldn't get a very good breath! He wheezed like a dog toy with a broken squeaker.

With one hand steadying him against the cave wall, he watched as the woman embraced the jello gauntlets and the chunks finally flew. Wait, that sounded gross. The slime was slammed? Anyway, this girl could fight! Very punchy. Ten out of ten would not want to be punched by her! There was a weird twisting in his guts as he watched, desperately wanting to help but knowing he'd be no good to her. The hero of not-so-long-ago was still limping along in there somewhere, hand-in-hand with his ugly I-need-to-feel-like-I'm-worth-something wife, and they whined like children taking medicine as he sat on the sidelines. Also, why was the wall moving?

Jerking his head to the side, he noticed that his hand was sinking into the wall, which was actually quite gross. "AAIEE!?" he squawked in surprise, much shorter than his usual AAAIIEEs due to the aforementioned breathing issue. As his savior dispatched the slimes, he fought his own battled against.... tar? Mud? Living cave wall? Honestly, he had no idea what exactly it was, and even if it felt unlucky, it was actually the opposite. In the goop, he felt something. Something solid. A thin bar...or handle? Momentarily forgetting about his own mortality, his treasure hunter instinct kicked in and he grabbed it, starting to tug it furiously out for a look. He tugged and tugged, grunts of strain and effort echoing amongst the jokes and slime slaps against rock until he was able to pull it free.

Aw, just a muddy stick.

Or...was it?

As the ick slowly globbed down, it revealed a bit of shiny. Crystal or gemstone shiny. Smearing it on his shirt and lifting it again, he spotted precious metal, possibly silver? "Ah....ahaha... ha?" he laughed in disbelief. Theo couldn't be sure it was the staff he was looking for-- oh, yeah it was. As he waved it in his excitement, his entire arm turned flourescent pink with a flurry of magic spray. Wand of Color Spray found with impossible luck? Checkerooni.

Now, had Theo had any pride at all, her nearly flawless victory against those that had presented a sizable threat to him might have made him feel an ego owie, accidentally finding the wand or no. However, he actually had not a single shred, as evidenced by allowing her to carry him bridal style out of the cave while he showered her with breathless praise. "Wow! You....You really showed 'em! Punched...that one in... his silly face and he...!" he gasped out, making an explosion gesture with the wand in place of the words he'd run out of steam for. It erupted into blue smoke, turning his face and hair blue. "Oops..." Oh god, he hoped he didn't get Punchline!

[wc: 658 || total: 4829]